Jul 12, 2007: Friends disapoint you when you least expect it...

Thank G*d I can still type considering I just had half (or less) of 700 ML of vodka while drinking with my female friend. There you go! capital M and L instead of ml. Dont care! shyet. My conscious mind still is winning over my uncaring carefree self. I cant even kiss and tell here. I cant tell where and who gave a *BLEEP BLEEP* and how it was like to *BLEEP BLEEP* *BLEEP*. And I still can keep track of my spelling and all that shit. F*ck! I just remembered that I hate it when I encounter things like "good guys turn bad" or something like "go for the bad ones because the good ones turn bad later" from "women." F you. Bitter bitches. Joke. I do have female friends who got hurt by pigs, not "men," becaus real MEN know how to treat WOMEN properly. Hay...... Life is too good to spend too much time brooding over the bad things. At sana walang ma-turn off dahil sa ako'y masyadong honest at walang takot na mag post ng mga BLEEP words dito. Dont care that much anymore! ^_^

July 11, 2008: Desiderata

One of the few things everyone should read, understand, remember, keep in their heart of hearts, and share to everyone:

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,

and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,

be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others,

even to the dull and ignorant;

they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;

they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,

you may become vain or bitter,

for always there will be

greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career

however humble;

it is a real possession in the

changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,

for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you

to what virtue there is;

many persons strive for high ideals,

and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.

Especially do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love,

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,

it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,

gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit

to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,

be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe

no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God,

whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations,

in the noisy confusion of life,

keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham,

drudgery, and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

Desiderata by Max Ehrmann

***

Glad I was finally able to remember to blog about this poem.

Forget about Said (the last canon writer and whose name is read as Sa-id), Barthes, or Foucault! Joke! I love them. If it weren't for them I wouldn't have had 1.00 in Prof. Cynthia Rivera's Literary Criticism course. ^_^

That poem there is something you can understand and keep with you forever. Like the Ten Commandments or the Golden Rule.

Yeah, I'm Roman Catholic so I'm only familiar with Christian thingies. Joke! :D

Okay it's 3:30 am... Brent please sleep before 4 am. Oh yeah. Lemme visit Bryanboy's blog. I want a good laugh. :p (I just realized I mentioned Christian and bryanboy one enter key apart. Oh. Now they're in one sentence! Anyways lemme look at that blog...)

And I'm back!

Oh my it's 3:43 already...

And thank G*d I just remembered to say that though I dont know who Bryanboy is talking about when he mentions models' names, and all these tons of people's names in the fashion industry, I do enjoy reading the funny things in there. He also gets to show the world, in his own way, more about the Philippines and our people. Though I dont like it when he says Filipinos have 3-inch dicks because it's not true. I should know. I'm a Filipino too. ^_^

Oh yeah. I love the model who posed here. Though she tripped several times, she looked like a flutterby in that pic... and the people in the background... wow... whoever took that pic s/he may have made sure to capture the people in the background.

Gusto ko na matulog... 4:35 na...

Been chatting with Bajie again... ala. 4:50 na... sleepyness...

It's technically g'morning but I like g'nytie more.

Gnytie world! Especially those living near the other side of my side of the world!

Hugs and kisses everyone!

I cant believe I posted a poem here but yeah... I love Desiderata...

July 12, 2008: Friends disappoint you when you least expect it

Thank G*d I can still type considering I just had half (or less) of 700 ML of vodka while drinking with my female friend. There you go! capital M and L instead of ml. Dont care! shyet. My conscious mind still is winning over my uncaring carefree self. I cant even kiss and tell here. I cant tell where and who gave me a *BLEEP BLEEP* and how it was like to *BLEEP BLEEP* her. And I still can keep track of my spelling and all that shit. F*ck! I just remembered that I hate it when I encounter things like "good guys turn bad" or something like "go for the bad ones because the good ones turn bad later" from "women." F you. Bitter bitches. Joke. I do have female friends who got hurt by pigs, not "men," becaus real MEN know how to treat WOMEN properly. Hay...... Life is too good to spend too much time brooding over the bad things. At sana walang ma-turn off dahil sa ako'y masyadong honest at walang takot na mag post ng mga BLEEP words dito.

A promise to self...

... broken today when I stayed awake until the sun went up.

Or was it? It wasnt an official "promise." I just told myself, I'll try to sleep earlier so I can wake up earlier.

I'll try again tonight. I was able to do it two straight nights before today.

Had we not only went out to the after shift thingie... gawd, it's only Tuesday! But it was a great night nonetheless. Well worth staying late. :)

Situps again when I wake up later... If only I haven't developed a taste for beer. Red Horse/Strong Ice. San Mig light... yeah... Pale Pilsen? Agchkpt! That last one's just not for me.

I want my flat tummy back! Well... not that it's "big" right now it's just... wait. I dont owe anyone an explanation on this except those of my friends who commented, "bakit parang lumalaki ang tiyan mo?"

Anyway! Im happy I'd be meeting my friends, Ria and Carmela on the 20th of this month. AND perhaps just for kicks try to meet in the city of Manila. :P (The future imperial capital, not just of the Philippines, but of the world. Buwahahahah! Now there goes my little megalomaniacal dream... down the drain just because I posted it here. Tsk. Not!)

Live well dearies!

And remember, never to start your sentences with "and" or "but", I mean, never believe in the bad things. It may just come true. Instead, believe that bad things, such as a great earthquake that's supposed to hit Manila on July 28, 2008, will not come true.

July 9, 2008: Another Relatively Strong Earthquake?!

Two weekends ago, the damned storm Frank struck my beloved Philippines when I went to the Quezon province.

Last Weekend the first earthquake hit parts of Luzon with the epicenter found in the Quezon province. Just yesterday another quake tookplace here in Luzon (and southern Japan).

Next weekend, if I were to grant my inner-circle's wish, we'd go to Quezon and this time the July 18, 2008 "prediction" would happen.

Nah! That's Bull crap.

Unless "collective consciousness" makes itself real again this time.

And I was initially thinking of posting something today that would prevent that from happening assuming collective consciousness or whatever contributes in making a so called June 18, 2008 thingie come to pass. I hope that what I'm doing right now doesnt betray my reason for posting this in the first place.

Magulong post pero la ko pake. Basta.

If someone were to tell me that the (imperial) capital of the Philippines is about to experience a great earthquake like it never encountered before in writen history, I'd say, "really? How many would die? Will I die? If so, then what's your purpose in telling me if I were to die innevitably on that day anyway?" Then he'd say, "because by blogging about it, and through the chain of events that would follow, you'd be saving more people than if I havent told you." Yeah right. Parang butterfly effect ba or sound of thunder or the killing your grandfather theory I once saw on the Discovery channel or or or or stop.

Hmm... That made me think... If I were to die on that day, would I consider myself ready to go? No. I'm not yet ready to go. Too many dreams to fulfill and too many potentials not yet realized. If I were to have it my way, I'd probably even seriously aim for immortality at one point or something like it.

But as society always find out, youth lost is a tragedy.

Shyet. May araw na naman. 5:45 am na.

July 5, 2008: Shyet di ako nakapag blog kahapon, July 4, 2008!

Shyet... July 5 na...
At the back of my head though I can almost hear Ate Magda, my dearest cousin in Zamboanga, who once told us that we should be thankful when another year comes by because it means God gave you another year to live.

Now why should I be reminded of that?!

Anyways... Sayang talaga... I told myself I'll blog everyday hanggang... :P

Makapag code switch nga in one sentence para mas di maintindihan ang posts ko ng mga di nakakaintindi ng beloved Tagalog mother toungue.

Feeling ko naman may foreigners na magbabasa ng post ko? Ganun! Libre ang mangarap dearies. :)

Ay i-translate natin: So I'm deluding myself of the fantasy that foreigners would be reading my post? Really! It's free to dream, dearies. :)

I'm still contemplating whether I should stay at home, or anywhere near home, or should I go with my friends to Talisay, Real, Quezon for the weekend again. This time with more of my friends' friends and without going into another storm like Frank. Well... as I check the time, 4:33 am GMT+8... I still have less than 6 hours to decide...

My family won't disown me... yet. Would they?
I've been into weekend sleepovers for the recent months like crazy. I feel guilty when I remember texting/calling home just to say I'm about to sleep somewhere in Sta. Mesa, Manila again, or in Pasay, or on my way to Quezon again, unwittingly going head-on with a storm at that time.

Now that I think about it thanks to Bernard's, my seaman friend whose birthday will be on the 15th this month, text message a while ago... I may just go. I'd love to see how the other dear family who had been our host is doing especially when that damned storm, Frank, destroyed their house overnight during our last visit there.

That's it. I may just go. I'll just try to test the waters later if I'd feel bad vibes when I mention Quezon... :P

Good thing my family is not very worried about the not-so-strong presence of the NPA there... Or they may just be good at keeping it to themselves. Yeah. Most probably the latter, based on recent experience. (Oh God, I pray that no attributed-to-the-AFP-disappearance happens in Quezon and after I post this.)

I just remembered I wanted to post this one down... Everytime I go home, I almost always get to see this elderly man selling balut. I used to buy balut from him but my ritual became more of going by the bakery to buy iron nails, duh, bread.
So one night I thought why dont I post something about contentment because when I saw him here are the things that went through my mind, and I'll try to put it in order of appearance:

(Btw, I said mind because what goes through/within the head is blood, not thoughts. The same goes with the head down there.)

1. When I reach the same age as him, I wouldnt want to be in the same situation.
2. But how can I be sure that he havent had a good life, I mean, better days?
3. How can I be sure that *delete*just*delete* because he sells balut, he is not living a comfortable life.
4. What if he has trully lived, a.k.a. been wild and good and done everything in between, and is still LIVING, his life? What if he had been there and already done that and he is just contented and trully happy with his present situation.
5. And isn't he sweet/nice/a true good citizen for sweeping the egg shells around him?
6. And at this point I may have thought a whole lot more at then...

Hay... maraming pangyayari sa buhay at paligid na masarap ishare sa mundo... It's just that I dont have a Blackberry or gadget that I can post them with.

En ingles/tagalog: Oh... many things happen in life and everywhere that would give me the simple satisfaction of being able to share with the world... Kaya lang wala kong Blackberry o gadget na magagamit para maipost ang mga yun.

Basta na touch naman ako sa nakaraang post ko at nagcomment ang mga tao na di mo maexpect na magko-comment. Well, sabagay... you really can't tell for sure who may just drop by and leave a comment on one of your posts...

Pero shyet. Iba parin pag may kausap kang may sense in real life... over coffee... Well Im no coffee lover but I'd go for a nice chat while having my favorite Strawberries and Cream in starbuko (yeah I din't say Starbucks there because I didn't want to) while the person Im talking to can have all the caffeine s/he wants.

Kitin said "That is so gay!" when she heard me ordering S and C and I think I said or thought "So what. I like it." Then when green tea came out it became my 2nd fave. Most people I know dont like it maybe because of the grassy/leafy taste. Hahahah! But I like it still.

Thank God I (still) have high metabolism.

One time Kitin said if there'd be a food shortage, she'd still be alive and sitting pretty living off her stored fats while the rest us, high metabolism peeps, waste away fast and die.

But golly... I have to cut down on booze... My size 30 jeans is starting to squeeze me... (And I used to wear size 32 at 12 years old)

Yeah. Dont kill me. I knew how it was to be fat. And I also know how it is to be thin with people telling you to eat more. At one time I'm like "Yeah! I eat more than you think." and the next I'm like "See! Now you're asking where I put it all?"

I've also had my shares of "Baboy! Baboy!" shit when I was a youngER and "Why are you so thin?! What happened?! Eat more." lines repeated again and again and still yet again from concered dearies even until last Summer when I went to Mayoyao, Ifugao.

Oh God... The sun is already up again. I'll probably stay awake till I finally decide whether to go or not to go to Quezon today. I can hear cocks crowing. Let's make that roosters crowing. (Hahahahah! Reminded me of the "year of the cock" instead of "rooster.")

Anyway... Brent, you may just go. It's already 6:28 am. Less than 4 hours to go before you finally decide.

Have a great, meaningful, weekend dearies!

Live and love life!

July 3, 2008: Let me tell you something about life...

... from another 22 year old's point of view.

*Very random (joke) and somewhat another free-writing post (no joke).*

A person always has more to offer - No matter how simple or meek s/he may be. S/he may just be hiding his/her real strength and potential for all you know. Just so you wont feel threatened or somewhat belittled.

People may really care even when they present themseleves as aloof and uncaring - It's probably because they think that it's for your own good or just maybe because they're afraid of being tagged as weak. Weak because they show their "soft" side. What they dont know, either because they're afraid to admit or just plain fail to realize, is that it's more courageous to show emotion, MOST especially for MALES, in a society where showing emotion is equal to being weak. Real MEN know when to show emotion. (To society: please don't raise boys into dysfunctional robots.)

The female mind is very fascinating, if you haven't noticed yet.

MadTV is everybody's excuse to play around with racism and all that is taboo in most societies.

Like what my college friend, Erika Lyn, once said, everybody just want to be accepted. I'd just add now: by who? Let's try to choose who we may want to accept us. Because not everybody is willing and not everyone is worthy of our un/conscious efforts to be accepted. :)

Happy is the content. And so is the ignorant. Yey to the first. Boohoo to the next.

And I wish I can post more "let me tell you som... oh yeah.

Make new friends
But keep the old
One is silver
And the other is gold

Do not be afraid to meet new people, either in real life or via the web's wide world. And that though there are times when you feel let down by people you have met (in real life or otherwise) and just when thought you already are having a good time with them when suddenly something happens, or you do/say something, that recreates the divide that had been there before the connection (real or imaginary)... rest assured that you were not the only one being unpleasant.

Remember that you also have had your share of patience, in silence or otherwise, during those times when you feel your sensibilities are not considered.

Let me tell myself that people have their own pace at particular stages in their life. Pace at trying to know people and pace at getting comfortable with certain individuals. And at one point, we get lucky when we happen to get that so-called connection considering everyone has a unique pace.

Enough metaphysics. Joke.

Just because it looks easy, it doesnt mean that it is. ;)

When in the workplace, it's nice to see happy people doing what they were tasked to do. Unfortunate are those who dont see the benefits of being surrounded by happy colleagues and try their bestest to make everything a tad bit more difficult. Thank God I'm lucky to have the colleagues I have now.

Just because they are police, or in a male dominated profession, and that they are female, it doesnt mean that they're lesbian.

Just because they are manly males, it doesnt automatically mean they are straight. Same goes with the girly males, it doesnt necessarily mean they are gay.

Just because I'm 22, etc etc etc, I cannot determine that one is probably the only child of both first-born parents, that one is suffering inferiority/superiority complex, that one is so caught up in the so-called non-essential, that one deludes him/herself of being better than most, that one is closet straight, that your country's queen b may be a super witch capable of summoning rains and thunder storms on rally days (scheduled or not), that that that that a blogger such as myself can go "too far" with his posts. (Well atleast Im no Brian *BLEEP* Gorrell *had I spelled his name correctly? I dont care* who makes blogging a more local news worthy material for primetime TV)

(Yey. My friends in UST wont be ashamed of me atleast. I still have that responsible "journalism" thingie in me. I wont just share issues on sex sex sex and more sex here or scandal scandal scandal or spread fabrications etc without consideration for whoever may come along and hurt their sensibilities! blah.)

Still... Nothing beats real, live, human to human communion of souls, a.k.a., plain good ol' talk about whatnot.

Brent, 4:52 am na, matulog ka na.

"Oh God."

Just when I thought I'll rest after I do a last click on the last link of my awake hours... I saw this post and thought I'll blog about it.

The last post on my first month in the blogosphere. Full circle?

Oh God talaga...

5:44 AM na... tumitilaok na ang mga manok... kanina pa...

July 2, 2008: Nangamong otog ingkhuno muntitinikhow taon numin.

To blog or not to blog...

To follow the muses' call or not...

To wait for an inspiration or not...

But life itself is an inspiration if not THE inspiration... is it not?

To care about what people would think or not? Maybe not.

May just be wanting to be at one's best when wanting to post a deserving "blogable" experience or not... (and by "blogable" I mean by my not-so-written-on-stone standards) May not be untrue.

Not untrue... That statement reminded me of this one time when I admitted something to Kitin... that time when we became each others' exes... when she asked _____________ and I said that it is not untrue. And she said something like how chivalric or courtly or something like that.

If Curb sees the paragraph above he may just roll his eyes... or not.

***

Ah! Talisay, Real, Quezon, Mayoyao and Kiangan in Ifugao, and Isabela comes to mind when I think of the past weeks... Hm... Muses muses I can hear you... Or I may just be sleepy.....

My beloved clan... fall from grace and back again... Mayoyao's Henanga, the center of the once biggest municipality of Ifugao... traditions, ceremonies, and culture in the now not the then when they used to exclusively wear g-string and traditional clothing probably more than 5 generations ago (in those cold nights when today even an ordinary jacket's barely enough!)... our family ties... how blood runs... how the back or Sierra Madre can be seen from a distance... the Mayoyao tongue that I learned to speak as far as I can remember speaking Tagalog and english... (English w/ the E not e btw is for what the Brits speak) If only my beloved provinces are not more than 4-12 hours ride away... I'd be there every weekend... Oh yeah I was... Wish I can do it everyday...

We love you Auntie Marina. Your memory lives with us forever. Your wake was the most attended one I have ever been to in Mayoyao. Im sorry I never greeted you Happy Mother's Day that day Auntie... I thought, well you have your son and your darling grandson to greet you so maybe I didn't have to... I regret that now. I wish I dont have this lump in my throat now... My Happy Mother's Day to you may be too late that night when I touched your hand but I mean it with all my heart... As true as the tears Im fighting back right now. Shame on me. Shame on me for not greeting you that day.

You are more than the Vice Mayor's wife, more than the mother of the most famous/notorious man my generation ever produced... More than the most doting grandmother to her one and only grandson... More than the 3rd eldest in a dozen... More than anything you were known for. were known for---I dont like that sense of the past tense. Bottomline is we love you and we were able to show it to you in more ways than I may have had I greeted you during Mothers' Day like I greeted my own beloved Mother.

You are brave.

You are the only person I knew for sure who faced death and left this world in her own time and terms. Lola Esther probably did the same but Im not as sure as I am with you.

Nangamong otog ingkhuno muntitinikhow taon numin.

Hangang sa muli nating pagkikita.

Until we meet again.

***

Hay... It's now 4:43 am...

July 1, 2008: And so the countdown begins...

Today is the 1st of July...

And so the countdown begins...

(Ria, dearie, please don't roll your eyes again. You know me when these days come... 0_O Please tell Mela, dearie, what I told you... ;) Well, I know you will because "you know you love me. xoxo")

***

To self: Remember this post a few months back... Well the weeks since the last post before this was... well... let me say if you titled that January 1st 2008 post "I'll miss you 2007. Welcome 2008." then combined experiences in that span of time, if you were to blog all of it, collectively, should be titled: 'Everything is a first time' or 'There's a first time for everything.'

There is a first time for everything... Good or otherwise, worthwhile or not... everything taught and still countinues to teach a lesson or two.

Basta sa sobrang dami ng nangyari... wala na oras para magblog.

Like what I said in my chatbox once... too busy with life to blog.

Basta, nothing, not even blogs, can ever ever fathom how simple/complex or happy/sad life can be especially when it is being celebrated.

Life is for the living, dearies, as I read in this Friendster profile.

Isa pa pala sa mga natutunan ko at naisabuhay ko parin naman sa gitna ng lahat ng mga nangyari: Be honest.

Be honest especially to your self.

There are few other things that can make you feel as light or as free when you know in your inner heart that you are honest with your self.

(Im now talking about "inner heart" here... Gai-jin by James Clavell all over again.)

Anyway, Brent, yeah... and so the countdown begins... :)