Thursday, August 28, 2008

On Blogging, Death and Dying, The Joys of Walking, and Living Life


On Blogging

Although there never was a day or night that I haven’t thought of blogging, why do I keep myself from doing it. Maybe because I keep on wanting to blog at the right time. At that exact moment when I feel like, this is it, Im going to blog right now.

And for the first time, instead of starting with viewing blog posts, comments, and websites I missed or haven’t had the time to visit, I start with typing this down, these thoughts, that I had been playing in my head for the past weeks since I last visited my own blog.

So on blogging… this post will probably be more of I/me/myself/egocentric-sort-post… there had been times when I was so tempted to post something, anything, but I held back telling myself no this is not the right time, no this is not yet the moment to post something about your simple joy of walking, no you shouldn’t post something again when you are drunk/tipsy though you still can check grammar and spelling (never mind the F word and all other cuss terms that alcohol inspires), no you shouldn’t blog yet just because you want to, you blog when you know it’s the right time to blog.

The more kinds of blog I see, the more I get reminded of "blogging for blogging’s sake…" I have nothing against earning while blogging or celebrities blogging just so it can probably boost popularity but yeah it just reminds me of blogging for blogging’s sake… which reminds me of a college friend who started blogging when she was, according to her, in First Year High School, at a time when her peers were being taught Lotus 123, peers like myself who had never heard of "blog" at 13. This friend I mentioned is Abby and her link is somewhere in this blog. I havent checked if this link is active at present because like I said oh just go to paragraph 2.

Blogging had brough her to places, literally, and now she’s BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP because of blogging. Abby if you see this, don’t kill me because I hadn’t really said anything bad, had I? *wink*

Ah yeah… Maybe I’ll open my blog just so I can link her site to her name when I feel that I’m finished with this post.

Hmmm I wonder what happened to that Saudi national who was incarcerated because he blogged something "against" Islamic dogma or muslim way of life. I read that months ago in the Saudi Jeans blog. I’ll also check that link later.

And yeah! The counter/site meter. Hmm… should I or should I not put one. Nah. I never started with one so why bother.

Oh thank God this crossed my mind right now:

What if one day blogging, electricity, or anything digital or otherwise that gives blogs hope for immortality become obsolete? Will it then make blogs, old websites, go poof? Hmmmm… Not every personallity during the first Chinese Emperor’s time is remembered today. Not everyone has a family tree that can be traced back like the descendants of Confucius today or the Japanese imperial house. I don’t even know (or haven’t yet bothered to know) who is my ancestor more than four generations back. Well at least I met my maternal grandmother’s grandmother when I was a kid. Did people who drew in caves thought that what they drew would be seen by us today, thousands (millions?) of years in the future? I do wish/hope blogs or anything of the like would give someone like me, "an ordinary person," who haven’t killed/fed/saved/taught/inspired/angered/terrorized/robbed/
cheated/lead/mislead/etc hundreds/thousands/millions/billions of people, a chance of immortality long after my lungs gave their final breath.

Death and Dying

One of the most beautiful, youngest, ladies in our company died this month.

She’s one of the last people on earth you would imagine dying at her age on an ordinary day.

She had, probably her worst and definitely her last, asthma attack one night. She was on coma for two days, she gained consciousness for some time before she finally succumbed to the inevitable. I think it was a two-week struggle. She was 28.

I had a little crush on her. She already had a husband and a 3 year-old son but if you meet her for the first time and not know her background, you would probably think she just graduated in High School.

On that day at work when we learned she gained consciousness, I left her a YM saying, "I look forward to that day when you read and reply to this."

The Manila team gave their prayers and held Mass while she was in the hospital.

The last Friday when she was with us, I remember seeing her walking around, probably extra cheery to everyone, she even went to our area asking our manager to embrace her because she misses her. Asking about their plans for Baguio.

We went to her wake after work. Me and two of my team mates met her husband and parents for the first time. Her husband shared to us how on her last week at work, she went on leave that Thursday because she wanted to be with her family, how they both had their date after a long time since their last one, how they met again after being schoolmates in High School and ended up becoming married to each other for three years.

How I wish (or someday maybe hope) I can feel comfortable posting the collage I made days after we learned she died. It’s a little tribute I made in memory of her. I made it at work. Her pictures during company activities etc. I have it in my email right now but no… I don’t know if I should post it here now.

*edited: my tribute to Jam now included*
*I'd now want to remind myself that in no way am I giving more weight to one's death over another by making and finally posting a collage, knowing so painfully well how to lose a loved one.*

Her death made the words "seize the moment" and "live life to the fullest" more popular in the office. Sometimes I thought, and I don’t wish to sound cynical, "Yeah. Right. Easier said than done though."

One of my friends at work told me she wishes to die before her parents pass away. I told her, as I have told my male HS friend years ago, "it would be unfair for your parents. They probably went through the pain of seeing their parents go. It would be too much if they see you go too before their time comes."

Reminded me of what I read somewhere… about Jews… sons bury their fathers. So when a son died, one father said, parents should never bury their children. Ah. I think it was from news, CNN maybe, about Israel. Im not so sure anymore. Could be about the Holocaust. Nah. Probabaly from tv news.

I used to wish to die when Im at my peak. No illness or physical impairments. Just perfectly healthy. Hmmm… But I don’t also want to die in any kind of accident too. So how to die at your peak. Anyways… from wishing to die young, I then went back to my wish of dying at an old age. When I was little I wished of dying probably around or after 100 years old. Then later, it became more, lets say, more detailed, I imagined myself with white hair. Just that proud crown of white as proof of the years/decades passed.

Then there are times when I imagine what if physical immortality become medically possible for humans during my time and it’s available to me… I’ll probably take it… so long as I don’t age a day and my faculties remain sharp, forever, until probably when I decide to end it all just like the founder of Kodak.

The Joys of Walking

I love to walk. It’s probably something I acquired during college. And one time (yup Im starting my sentence with "and") And one time when I was walking along Ayala Avenue on my way to the office, I thought about blogging and I though about blogging my joy of walking.

Walking gives me a sense of calm.
It makes/helps me think.
It helps me have find my center.
No need to mention it’s a simple effortless form of exercise, except probably if your obese. (I used to be fat so I’m in no way fat-insensitive.)

And during that time I also thought how lucky I am to be born the way I am and to be in the circumstances that am in right now.

(These things coming up were thought during or results of that walk.)

I’m thankful that I don’t have to be bound by strict rules, religious, medical, or social, on how to live my life.

Like rules on what clothes to wear. I don’t have to cover my face and leave only my eyes exposed to the world. I don’t have to cover my whole body just in case I want to swim in the sea or in a pool or if I wanted to be a lifeguard in Australia. (I don’t mean to offend anyone who might get offended. I’m just saying it as it is.) Though it might sometimes be fun to have a yellow day during Mondays like they do it in Thailand in honor of their beloved king or maybe red days on Mondays for good luck like some people I know. I love wearing red on Mondays also or any day actually.

Thank God I can eat anything edible because I don’t have allergic reaction to any sort of food. I can eat all sorts of meat and not only chicken because I’m not forbidden from eating either beef or pork. Ok, I only have my allergic reaction triggered when I eat eggs or poultry for several days in a row and that was when I was a kid. I don’t remember having another allergic reaction to anything since then. Maybe I can experiment and try eating poultry and eggs for several days in a row…

Good thing I’m not a picky eater. I love veggies and fruits. Though probably I’ll never eat dog meat again. I know it tastes good and it gives you that hot feeling, anyone who had tried it knows this to be true, but in honor of the pet dogs my family ever had, and all dogs everywhere, I’ll do my best not to taste dog meat again. What I haven’t tried also yet is turtle and I don’t think I’ll try that not only because we have had pet turtles before but I just think they should be eaten… Unless you’re living in a jungle and it’s a matter of survival. I may try another serving of shark meat though. Like the one I had when my Mom and Aunt came from Zamboanga and they brough some salted ones.

Although I don’t go to Mass every Sunday as dictated by the Roman Catholic Church, which makes me a mortal sinner and would make me go to hell if I were to die right now since I haven’t confessed that one yet including another mortal sin I committed that Sunday morning too, which would mean I might see Judas because he committed suicide after what he did to Jesus regardless of it resulting to Jesus saving all of mankind as said in the Judeo-Christian dogma, I’m thankful that I was raised knowing I’m Catholic and was sent to Catholic school by my parents. I thank them for not being Katoliko-sarado as we say it here. Had they been like that, I would have had deep-seated issues about religion right now. I might even be the modern version of a Crusader or the Christian version of a suicide bomber in Middle East Asia. (Not all of the world’s suicide bombers were Muslims by the way just so anyone who still think so know as not all non-Muslim people are good people. And by no means I say that Muslims are bad. I’d cut my tongue before I claim that to be true. It would be unfair to the great prophet Mohammed who founded Islam.)

My point is, I’m thankful that I grew up and I'm at a point in my life where I see people as people, regardless of religion, sexual preference, race, and outlook in life or the absence of it.
And all that thought or triggered during that time when I was walking.

Living Life

A wrap up maybe…

Should not only be remembered or lived when we get affected by death.

Reminded me of what our Retreat Master shared to us during one of our sessions when I was in High School, I think, yeah High School, he said something like…
"Happiness is not (only) at the destination or at the end of the road, it can be found along it."


I’ll probably post this and go to bed thankful I finally blogged again and later think I could have probably put something more or something else. Nah. Not something else. Maybe something more. Hehehehe. Hmmmm… how about blogging in all languages I know and feel comfortable using in writing… Sa Tagalog, in english, in Ifugao, in Ilocano, en Español… nah. I don’t know much Spanish anymore… But one good thing about growing up in Manila and knowing Tagalog, you realize there are a lot of Spanish terms used. Oh no… This is not entirely about "Living Life" part. I can probably go on and on talking about how it’s easier to grasp all the other Romance languages because I have a small feel of Spanish. Gah. ANYWAY.

It’s easier said that done, "Seize the moment!" "Live life to the fullest." "Treat each day like it’s the last."

Well technically yeah, each day is the last of its kind because you’ll never have another August 8, 2008 8:08 pm GMT+8 like you’ll never have today which is August 28, 2008 or my brother’s birthday which was last BLEEP when he turned BLEEP. Neto-khong heju chin nuhun nga archow ud ughoni un phulan. Numphilin heju metten hi hempolo juh galo un tagon. That’s Ifugao sentences there and it’s the common terms used. Had it been the highfalutin version of the old… even I may not know how to write it… Hahahah! Like the language of the Japanese court, confusing compared to the Japanese lingua franca. Had I known Aramaic and wrote it here, someone somewhere would have understood it.

The joy of living the simple joys of life, like speaking in a language no one would understand even in public. It’s like the ultimate coded language. Like in the real life-inspired movie Wind Talkers. Or like when the today’s first couple speak in Spanish just so the kasambahay wouldn’t understand.

Haaay. I said "a wrap up" but I also said "maybe." I can hear the cocks crow again…

I wish I can say everything here… But that would be against knowing what you can say and cannot say. Just like the "Just because you can, it doesn’t mean you should." Or the "Just because you should, it doesn’t mean you would." Wahahahahahah!

I hope I can meet someone who have had sex but is a virgin.

^__^ Understood?

Hmm… maybe now’s the time to say these… go into detail for anyone who was able to go this far or may have just browsed and found this part or probably in the event of being told by someone else to go at the bottom of Brent’s particular post… Hmmmmmmmmmmm…

Nah. Probably too "precious" to be shared here.

Aha! I can share without sharing at all!

Hini khun u ulon juh hay khumoh pfuphoy nga ulay guhnu phuphoy khu nga guhnuh naat ichichu juh miid khumoh naat ay hijuh juh hay ochumnoh nga lalae amat khu ihiin nga miid latta naat ihiin juh hay ochumnoh nga phuphoy.

Thank God my Mom’s Ifugao.