July 2, 2008: Nangamong otog ingkhuno muntitinikhow taon numin.

To blog or not to blog...

To follow the muses' call or not...

To wait for an inspiration or not...

But life itself is an inspiration if not THE inspiration... is it not?

To care about what people would think or not? Maybe not.

May just be wanting to be at one's best when wanting to post a deserving "blogable" experience or not... (and by "blogable" I mean by my not-so-written-on-stone standards) May not be untrue.

Not untrue... That statement reminded me of this one time when I admitted something to Kitin... that time when we became each others' exes... when she asked _____________ and I said that it is not untrue. And she said something like how chivalric or courtly or something like that.

If Curb sees the paragraph above he may just roll his eyes... or not.

***

Ah! Talisay, Real, Quezon, Mayoyao and Kiangan in Ifugao, and Isabela comes to mind when I think of the past weeks... Hm... Muses muses I can hear you... Or I may just be sleepy.....

My beloved clan... fall from grace and back again... Mayoyao's Henanga, the center of the once biggest municipality of Ifugao... traditions, ceremonies, and culture in the now not the then when they used to exclusively wear g-string and traditional clothing probably more than 5 generations ago (in those cold nights when today even an ordinary jacket's barely enough!)... our family ties... how blood runs... how the back or Sierra Madre can be seen from a distance... the Mayoyao tongue that I learned to speak as far as I can remember speaking Tagalog and english... (English w/ the E not e btw is for what the Brits speak) If only my beloved provinces are not more than 4-12 hours ride away... I'd be there every weekend... Oh yeah I was... Wish I can do it everyday...

We love you Auntie Marina. Your memory lives with us forever. Your wake was the most attended one I have ever been to in Mayoyao. Im sorry I never greeted you Happy Mother's Day that day Auntie... I thought, well you have your son and your darling grandson to greet you so maybe I didn't have to... I regret that now. I wish I dont have this lump in my throat now... My Happy Mother's Day to you may be too late that night when I touched your hand but I mean it with all my heart... As true as the tears Im fighting back right now. Shame on me. Shame on me for not greeting you that day.

You are more than the Vice Mayor's wife, more than the mother of the most famous/notorious man my generation ever produced... More than the most doting grandmother to her one and only grandson... More than the 3rd eldest in a dozen... More than anything you were known for. were known for---I dont like that sense of the past tense. Bottomline is we love you and we were able to show it to you in more ways than I may have had I greeted you during Mothers' Day like I greeted my own beloved Mother.

You are brave.

You are the only person I knew for sure who faced death and left this world in her own time and terms. Lola Esther probably did the same but Im not as sure as I am with you.

Nangamong otog ingkhuno muntitinikhow taon numin.

Hangang sa muli nating pagkikita.

Until we meet again.

***

Hay... It's now 4:43 am...